Walking in Grace: Friendship, Authenticity, and Choosing Faith Over Fear
Bringing back WokenHeart Spotlight because this person is too amazing not to celebrate.
Have you ever met someone and felt like you’ve known them for a lifetime? That’s how it felt when I met Erika “Kika” Darbouze in a small Thai café on a hot and humid day in Chiang Mai, Thailand. From that first conversation, I knew she carried a kind of wisdom and energy that deserved to be shared.
This month’s Spotlight is all about Kika—a woman whose honesty, grace, and perspective on friendship, authenticity, and courage will leave you reflecting on your own journey. What unfolded in our hour-long conversation was less of a Q&A and more of a soulful exchange, filled with lessons that feel both grounding and liberating.
Friendship in Your 30s: From People Pleasing to Grace
When asked how her understanding of friendship has shifted from her 20s to her 30s, Kika reflected on a journey many of us can relate to.
“In my 20s, I was so focused on belonging,” she said. “I compromised a lot, sometimes shutting down what I truly wanted just to appease others. People pleasing defined a lot of my friendships back then.”
But something shifts as we grow older. “In my 30s, friendships feel grounded. I’m more sure of myself, more intentional. And while people often say we become quicker to cut others off as we age, I’ve actually found myself extending more grace. I forgive faster. I understand perspectives better. My friendships are softer, more life-giving.”
Her metaphor struck me deeply: friendships are like trees. Some branches break away with the seasons, but the strongest grow alongside us, becoming part of who we are. For Kika, many of those branches are friendships that have lasted over 20 years, relationships that now feel more like family.
Making Friends Later in Life
Kika also noted the surprising beauty of making new friends in adulthood. “Friendships now are so intentional. When I meet someone today, it’s because we’re aligned in values, in energy, in the stage of life we’re in. Those new friendships feel like diamonds, rare, precious, and deeply rooted in purpose.”
Unlike childhood or high school friendships that were often born out of proximity, these later in life connections come from a place of clarity and self-assurance. “When you know who you are, you recognize alignment quickly and you don’t waste time where it’s not there.”
Walking in Authenticity
Perhaps the heart of our conversation was around authenticity, a core value of WokenHeart.
“I’ve never known a version of myself that wasn’t true to who I am,” Kika told me. “Even as a child, I had no problem sitting on the swing alone while everyone else played in the mud. Staying authentic isn’t always easy, but it’s part of my essence.”
Kika spoke about protecting her inner child, honoring her energy, and entering spaces with clarity about her “why.” If she’s not received fully for who she is, she sees it not as rejection but as redirection. “Not everyone is for me, and that’s okay. The sooner I know that, the better.”
It’s a refreshing reminder: authenticity doesn’t mean we’ll always be embraced, but it does mean we’ll always be aligned within ourselves.
Choosing Faith Over Fear
We also spoke about courage, the kind it takes to take sabbaticals, leave jobs, or step into the unknown.
“The reason most people don’t go after what they want? Fear,” Kika said without hesitation. “Fear of failure, of the unknown, of being alone. But on the other side of fear is freedom. On the other side of fear is joy.”
So how does Kika move forward anyway?
“You don’t wait for fear to disappear. You do it afraid. You do it with shaky legs, trusting that you’ll figure it out. Faith is the opposite of fear. Faith in yourself, faith in your resilience, faith that things will work out. And just like a muscle, the more you choose faith over fear, the stronger that courage becomes.”
Her words carried the kind of conviction that can only come from lived experience. It’s why I joked during our conversation that she should be a life coach. Her insights were that powerful.
A Final Word
What I walked away with is this: grace, authenticity, and faith are not just lofty ideals. They are daily practices. Whether it’s forgiving a friend, walking into a room as your full self, or booking a one-way ticket to a new country, the heart of it all is the same: honoring your truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Kika’s story is a reminder that growth doesn’t mean hardening. It means softening with grace, with understanding, and with faith. Talking with her feels like those long, unhurried Sunday brunches with your best girlfriends. Full of laughter, honesty, and the kind of wisdom that lingers long after the plates are cleared.
To the WokenHeart community: Which of Kika’s reflections resonated most with you? Have you noticed your friendships evolving with more intention, or faced moments where you had to choose faith over fear? Share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear how these themes show up in your own journey.
