From Burnout to Boundaries: 3 Truths I Had to Learn the Hard Way

Am I the only one who’s completely exhausted by the rat race we call corporate America? Working to live, living to work — it all starts to blur. I used to romanticize the idea of becoming that ambitious career woman in the city: late nights, high heels, chasing promotions, climbing the ladder. I thought that was the dream. But when that vision became my reality, I quickly realized...this is actually sucks. The office politics, the constant pressure to “prove” your worth, having to show up in a way that doesn’t make you seem too intimidating or too meek, and worst of all, navigating the constant undercurrent of microaggressions as a woman of color in the workplace. It all left me feeling conflicted, disillusioned, and deeply disconnected from myself. Everything I had worked so hard for somehow made me feel jaded, overworked, and uninspired.   

I’d often try to voice how exhausted and disillusioned I felt, especially to older colleagues or family members, only to be met with eye-rolls or dismissive comments like, “There you millennials go again, you just don’t want to work.” It was frustrating. Instead of being seen or heard, I was painted as ungrateful or lazy for simply acknowledging how unsustainable the grind felt. But it wasn’t about avoiding work, it was about questioning a system that equates burnout with success and rest with weakness. Isn’t it strange how we’re conditioned to work ourselves into the ground with the promise that one day, maybe at retirement, we’ll finally get to start living? It didn’t take me long to realize how backwards that is. I’ve only been here a few decades, but I’ve learned that tomorrow isn’t promised, and the ability to be fully present is one of the greatest gifts of being alive. But it’s nearly impossible to be present when you’re burned out, running on fumes, and consumed by work around the clock. Burnout didn’t just drain my energy, it stripped me emotionally, mentally, and even physically. And while the paycheck was steady, the cost of that constant stress was far too high a price to pay.

I knew something had to change.

So, I took a self-imposed career break to reset and gain clarity about what I want out of my career, and out of life. I spent the last few months reflecting on my relationship to work—how I show up, what I tolerate, and what I’ve internalized as “normal.” There was a time when burnout felt like a badge of honor. Overworking, overcommitting, and overextending myself made me feel like I was doing something right, like exhaustion was a sign I was dedicated, driven, and valuable in the workplace. But over time, I was no longer thriving; I was surviving, and being in a state of survival didn’t spark creativity, nor did it create a mindset of abundance. 

I’m not someone who’s anti-work; in fact, I genuinely enjoy working. I find purpose in what I do, and I care deeply about showing up with intention. But what I don’t enjoy is the way hustle culture has normalized fake urgency, glorified burnout, and made it acceptable to shame people for having lives outside their jobs. If you’ve ever been made to feel guilty for taking a lunch break or logging off on time, you’re not alone. I think most of us, at some point in our careers, have brushed up against these toxic norms, and let’s be real, it never feels good. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned through my own experience with burnout is this: boundaries aren’t optional. They’re necessary.

Here are three truths I had to unlearn and relearn on my journey from burnout to building better boundaries. 

1. Advocating for Yourself Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary

I chuckle when I reflect on a young Ashlee entering the workforce for the first time. I was wide-eyed, eager, a little rough around the edges, but ready to make my mark in the world. I was taught that if you work hard, then you’ll be very successful. In my mind, it was a very simple equation for success. So my approach was to say yes to everything, whether it was working 12+ hours every day or cancelling on friends and family to tend to urgent last-minute assignments. I wanted the experience, yes, but more than that, I wanted to prove that I was dependable. A team player. Someone who always showed up. But there’s a very fine line between being helpful and becoming invisible under the weight of overcommitment. The more I said yes, the more work landed on my plate, but the recognition didn’t necessarily come with it. 

I avoided asking for a promotion, more money, more clarity, more respect, I was conditioned to just be grateful for having a seat at the table; hell, I was just grateful to be in the room. But over time, I learned that silence doesn't build careers, self-advocacy does.

I had to learn to use my voice, to clearly articulate what I needed, and to recognize that asking for more doesn’t make me ungrateful, it makes me self-aware. If you’re anything like me (recovering people pleasers, please stand up!), then trust me when I say I know that this is much easier said than done, but everyone has their mountain to climb; let this one be yours. 

2. Set Boundaries Early and Often

I used to believe that boundaries were something you set after things go too far, after you’ve already reached your breaking point. But through much trial and a lot of error, I’ve learned that boundaries work best when they’re proactive, not reactive. 

If I’m being honest, no one ever taught me how to set boundaries at work. I thought the expectation was to do what you’re told – within reason, of course, and to never push back. The fear of being labeled "difficult" took precedence over expressing my needs, setting limits, or even protecting my time. In my mind, being agreeable was being the best team player.

I remember joining a team running a high-stakes program with a very dynamic and demanding client. Before I even started, I was warned I’d need to devote 100% of myself to the program…because “that’s just what you do” for a client like that. Everything was labeled urgent. We were expected to go above and beyond the 9-to-5, often at a moment's notice, and there was an unspoken belief that if you didn’t, your commitment would be questioned. It was all-consuming, leaving me burned out and uninspired. I had made the mistake of not standing firm in my need for work-life balance, which negatively impacted my personal life and physical health.

Whether it’s your time, energy, or emotional bandwidth, you really do get to decide how much access others have to you, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Saying no doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you discerning, and establishing boundaries isn’t a barrier; they’re declarations of self-respect.

3. Rest Isn’t Laziness, it’s the Fuel You Need

I once worked at an organization with limited resources, no real support, and few sustainable systems. When I joined, I took it as a personal challenge that I was eager to fix it all. I poured myself into the work with determination and energy, thinking I could fill every gap. There was a time when being online at 11 p.m. felt normal. I’d respond to emails, check things off my to-do list, and convince myself I was just being “dedicated.” But you can probably guess how that story ends. I was completely depleted. The exhaustion wasn’t just emotional, it was physical. I lost motivation. I stopped feeling like myself. I pushed through until my body quite literally said, enough. I experienced burnout in every sense of the word: the hair loss, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights spent mentally revisiting work conversations on loop. My nervous system was shot, constantly on edge, and completely out of balance. I didn’t just need a break…I needed to heal.

Burnout taught me that rest isn’t optional, it’s essential. Rest restores clarity, creativity, and courage. It’s what allows you to keep going without losing yourself in the process. Now, I choose to rest before I’m completely depleted. I look at rest as a boundary too, one that keeps me grounded, present, and whole. 

While burnout was a painful lesson to learn, it was also a turning point. It forced me to pause, reflect, and redefine how I show up in the world. I no longer glorify exhaustion. Instead, I protect my energy, honor my limits, and lead with intention.

Your value isn’t measured by how much you can carry. For so long, I equated busyness with worth. I thought if I just did more, they’d see how capable I was. But it never worked that way. The more I did, the more was expected. And the recognition? Rarely came.

You don’t need to earn your place by pushing yourself past your limit. Your worth is not up for debate.

And let me say this clearly, rest is not a weakness. I’ve watched colleagues wear exhaustion with pride and treat rest like a luxury they couldn’t afford. Honestly, that mindset is such a red flag. If you’re in a space where rest is shamed or discouraged, it’s not sustainable, nor is it healthy. If you’re in a season of burnout, let this be your reminder that you are allowed to choose yourself. Again and again.

Reclaiming Work on Your Own Terms.

Burnout cracked something open in me, not in a destructive way, but in a revealing one. It showed me the parts of myself that needed more care, more boundaries, and more truth. I now know that choosing rest, protecting my energy, and honoring my capacity isn't selfish, it's sacred. Choosing to rest or invest your time in passion projects, school, or hobbies outside of work doesn’t make you a bad employee or any less of a teammate. If anything, it makes you a better one. Rest sparks creativity, fuels focus, and the experiences we gather outside of our jobs often bring fresh perspective and new energy into the workplace. A well-rounded life isn’t a distraction from work — it’s what makes our work more meaningful.

If you're walking through burnout, let this be an invitation to slow down, to listen in, and to rebuild from a place of alignment. More importantly, I encourage you to redefine what success, value, and balance look like for you. You don’t have to prove your worth. You just have to be willing to protect it.